Dolphin Board of Honor
the best of our students' homework
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 Jazyková škola Dolphin
 Nemocniční 53
 787 01 Šumperk
 e-mail: dolphin@sky.cz
 tel: 603 589 845

 
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A WALK WITH MY FAMILY

It was in the past, in the time when the DOLPHIN SOCIETY didn't yet exist. Yes, it was in that time which is described by simple past tense ... To put it shortly: when I was a little boy. My parents used to go for walks every Sunday after lunch. It wasn't interesting for me, and it won't be for you either, to describe their regular Sunday walks. However, each of their walks always had one special circumstance: they wanted me and my brother and my sister to join them and to walk together. This reality developed our ability to invent really unbelievable excuses about why we couldn't go on a walk with them. Our parents often weren't sure whether they should believe us and leave us at home. But usually they figured out our trick and we had to go for a stroll with them. The walk almost always led through the park. I originally thought it could be a way to avoid going for a stroll. I said to myself: "If I stamp on the grass or on the flower beds, my parents won't want me to join them next time." You all know well - I am sure - the famous notice in the park: "Keep off the grass!" But unfortunately our park was never guarded or watched by the police so I could run on the grass like a squirrel and nobody used bad language at me. Even my parents thought I liked it and shouted: "Look! What a happy child!" You have to understand I didn't have a happy childhood...

    Jiri Valenta, April 1997 


A L I E N

This is alien Dik. Dik isn't a woman or a man. Dik is Dik. Dik is 60 years old and is 150 cm short. Dik has black eyes and has no hair. Dik is from Mars. Dik's parents are 820 and 850 years old. Dik is a teacher. Dik teaches young children about 60 years old. Dik has two children. Dik was once on the planet Jupiter. Jupiter is a very nice planet says Dik. Dik is an honest and good alien.


    Jakub Belka, July 1997
Alien Dik


OVERVIEW OF "DOLPHIN'S ERA"

Time Measurement Units
----------------------------------
1 drop = basic time measurement unit - equals 1 sec.
1 spittle = 60 drops
1 splash = 60 spittles
1 wave = 24 splashes
1 tide = 4 waves
1 stream = 7 tides
1 bubble = 13 streams

NAMES OF WAVES
---------------------------
"Launch" = The First Wave of Tide
"Sail" = The Second Wave of Tide
"Plunge" = The Third Wave of Tide
"Wreck" = The Fourth Wave of Tide


RUNNING FOR GOOD HEALTH
Cartoon 1 

Cartoon 2 

Cartoon 3 

Milos & Standa, April 1997 




POLITICAL PARTY MANIFESTO

Name of party:
The Friends of Trnky-Brnky
Motto:
Whatever doesn't kill us, gives us power!
  1. Everybody who joins our party will have the right to laugh 24 hours a day.
  2. We want to ensure that the Dolphin Language School will be free of charge (in the worst case lunch will be paid for).
  3. We will demand regular (twice a day) washing and shaving of teachers.
  4. We will ensure better places for studying so nobody can fall senseless during lessons.
  5. We will ask for one erotic film to be shown every day.
  6. We will ensure a free shuttle service between the hostel and the pub, even at night.
  7. We will ensure understanding by means of military-like drills, similar to those used in Boot camp.
  8. By means of public vivisection, we will ensure students' knowledge of the human organism.
  9. Regular members of our party will have the right to receive the original party journal Trnky-Brnky free of charge.
  10. If we gain a majority in the election, we will ensure qualified technical and professional actions, as was said above.


SOME ANONYMOUS LETTERS


anonymous 1 



anonymous 2 




Samples of Dolphin radio advertising campaign
for non-existing products:


AN ELECTRIC PAGE-TURNER

Can you feel them? Can you feel them hurting, aching, itching, those pins and needles? Spare them! Don't bother your fingers with turning over the pages while reading! Our SAMSON will do this drudgery for you! One tiny battery and tens, hundreds, thousands, millions of pages are turned! SAMSON is turning day & night, turning fast, gently, tactfully! SAMSON will turn your reading into a leisurely pastime! Don't get caught with your drawers down! Don't get caught with blisters on your fingers! Read efficiently! Act now! You too can be the proud owner of our SAMSON - page - turner!
Remember - your books call for a professional touch!

Sabina Sirokovska


EDIBLE CDs

Are you hungry for music, are you hungry dear friend? That's right, you too can be the proud owner of absolutely new, surprising and 100% useful edible CDs!

Bored of black and white?
- They come in all colours!
A music expert?
- They come in all styles!
Tired of kitchen drudgery? Have you got an appetite?
- They come in all flavours!

Short-play for starter - long-play for diner:
Mozart is palatable
Vivaldi's toothsome
Ravel is dainty
Bon Jovi's savoury
Metalica's delicious
U2 simply tasty!
Are you searching for relish? Buy now! Don't get caught with your drawers down!
Napkin, knife, fork and song book always included!
Easy-to-follow assembly instructions!
The quality goes in before the name goes on!
If not completely satisfied mail back unused portion of product for a complete refund of purchase price!
Please allow 30 days for delivery.
Don't be fooled by cheap imitations!
You can live with that.
It's your friend and it's a companion, you got it buddy!
It entertains visiting relatives
Changes your life.
First time you can eat "Cats" without any hesitations!
Soundtrack on double CD available now!
            PLAY AND EAT CD MEAT!

Hana Caltova


HAPPY DADA HAIKU


Blue big Debras swim
with a small silly teacher
noisily to bed
My six ugly friends
from a provincial lightbulb
go in patient shirts
I have a small home
where a teacher was speaking,
kissing a green watch
A bad red dolphin's
going to gently repair
a clever shower

DADA HAIKU HEAVEN


A red dirty nail
forcefully kills a blue tall
frog with nice homework
An interesting cup
terribly shows a clean bra
to a drunken dog
Orange testing cats
played as rich young computers
with a bored slow tongue

Jurors
Prosecutors
Witnesses


The Good Dolphins


Petr and Zdenek both looked out of the classroom window:
another lesson in the bag, attendance had been thin though -
the night before had been too long, the hangovers were cruel -
when a student came in sight that neither teacher knew well.

Come here Zdenek look at this, said Petr to his brother
Is he with the Dolphin school, or is he with another?
I think he must be one of ours, said Zdenek after thinking
I saw him in the pub last night, playing pool and drinking.

Bring the classroom register, bring some homework sheets too
we'll give him hell for missing class, and some homework to do.
The bilingual brothers went to give the man an earful
a touch of Dolphin discipline to keep the students fearful.

The moral of this tale is clear to all who study English
It's hard to be the teacher's pet and drink all evenig like fish
If you prefer to stay in bed after going too far
You must be sure your teachers get just as drunk as you are.

Jim & Co, New Year 2k


[evening prayer]


Grant me the serenity to do such difficult homework,
the courage to learn so many new words and grammar,
and the wisdom to hide
the bodies of waiters in this restaurant I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

And also, help me to be a teetotaller after the evenings in the pub
with my colleagues and teachers.

And help me to remember ...
When I have a lot of problems in English,
I'm not alone.
When I feel like a fool in the lesson and it seems the other students understand everything,
it doesn't have to be true.

Petr, February 2002


. . .

My Teacher,

give me a longer and more complicated homework than usual. If I don't get it, I'll have to stay in a dirty and smelly pub and drink a terrible bitter drink being served by the devil himself.
I want to be protected from this evil by You, my Teacher. I'm your servant and I'll do anything you ask me to. I am a weak student and I have to fight with a strong enemy. But I can win with your help.
Give me a chance!

Your student

Zbynek, 2002


[a poem]


Once upon a time there lived an old king.
So did there a young princess who could sing.
It was in the nice spring,
the king liked listening.
So he gave her a little beautiful ring.

Vladimir, July 2002


A Boy Named Sue


Once upon a time in the West there lived a boy named Sue. His mother was picked up by an adventurer in her teens. But by accident she soon got pregnant. Nine months later, she gave birth to a son. That bloody bastard named their son Sue and then got lost. The name didn't really agree with [the boy's] sex and so his entire childhood was one total suffering. The others couldn't stand for his name and there was nobody who he could rely on. He was full of spite and bitterness.
This acrimonious young man went after his father with the fixed idea of killing him. He was completely possessed with this idea. He hung about the whole West. He passed through many, many pubs and whore-houses anywhere he said his name everybody was mocking him, even the dirtiest slut was. His aggressiveness ran into enormous dimensions. Finally he came across a [sleazy] dive. He rushed into it. He looked over the saloon and there he caught sight of a nasty snake that named him Sue. They were staring at each other for a second. He hissed out: "My name is Sue. Have you already written your last will? You should have done it, 'cause now it's too late."
Then he started the carnage. He went for his father with no mercy. This fight took a long time. At last they were gazing at each other with pointed guns. They sized up the situation and let up. The father started to explain the reasons for naming his son Sue. He wanted him to become a tough guy. If he hadn't been so tough, he wouldn't have survived. The son made [sense] of this reason, finally he got over the emotional trauma he had suffered since childhood and he decided if he has a son, he'll name him Sue.

Vlada & Iva & Standa & Lucka & Alena, August 2002


TWO COWS THEORY


You have two cows.
Your neighbour doesn't have any cow.
He doesn't want a cow. He wants your cows to die.

You have a herd of cows.
You have separated them according [to] the length of their tails and now you wonder that the cows from the same group don't give the same quantity of milk.

You have a herd of cows and three bulls.
The youngest one says: "Look at the cows. Let's go to them!"
The older one says: "We don't have to go, they'll come by themselves!"
The oldest one says: "Let's go away! They are coming!"

You have a cow.
Your neighbour has a bull.
If you don't work together, you won't ever have a calf.

You have a cow.
You say: "How beautiful it is to have a cow!"
And then you don't have a cow
and you say: "How beautiful it is not to have a cow!"

Alois, 2002


My Beautiful Homework


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